Numbers, Numbers, Numbers

“You need more staff on” – if I had a penny for every time a customer said this to me… well I wouldn’t be working in customer service. I’m sure many of my colleagues across the industry will agree that this glaringly annoying, and obvious understatement that customers feel they deserve a share in our business for being the only person during that 10 minutes to point out is none other than the frustrating white noise of a broken record.

Bank holiday weekends are a prime example. Although most weekends are pretty much the same, nothing makes us dread bank holiday weekends more than the repetitive sound of ignorant patrons telling us how to run our business. Can it get even worst? Sunny bank holiday weekends says it certainly can. Yes we have ensured there are a number of extra staff members on this weekend, yes we know its still not enough to satisfy your impatient lack of virtue and awareness for the other 7 billion people in this world and yes we have by now rehearsed our response to such an original question/statement/ genuine observation that the person in front you also made - so much so that we probably deserve an Oscar for our incredulous performance at making it appear we are not at our boiling points and ready to implode. To my fellow customer service colleagues: you know the fake smile, laugh, and brush off I am talking about and I applaud you for nailing it.

Let me run some facts by you.

Most pubs/ restaurants/ hotels etc are probably owned by a franchise or chain or a larger parent company that own hundreds of establishments. Like most chains, they have set budgets to stick to. I for example work in a pub that is owned by an extremely large parent company within the customer service that operates all over the country. Like most companies, ours is split into areas (usually regions in the UK). Our budgets work on a forecast per period basis. We are given a predicted forecast on what we are going to take for a particular time period based on what we took at that exact time over the last two years (i.e how much money we are going to make in the first week of march this year compared to how much we took on the first week of march last year and the year before.) We are then set a target within that forecast to reach (more often than not to beat what we took the year before) we are then given a budget that says how much we are allowed to spend on staff wages within that time period to make sure that we are able to hit those targets. Now unfortunately at my establishment we are one of the most successful pubs in our area – this is unfortunate because it sometimes means that when the other pubs in our area aren’t doing so well, we have our budgets and targets cut to compensate for keeping them afloat.

Now I know most of the general public don’t know what happens behind the scenes and they don’t need to, but that doesn’t mean you have to be completely ignorant to what is going on around you. Your ten minute wait for a drink at the bar in the very busy summer is not going to be solved by an extra member of bar staff who probably couldn’t wouldn’t be able to serve you anyway because there’s no room – and if you rudely ask the person washing and putting the glasses away if they are going to serve you at some point; the answer will most likely be a forcedly polite no because 1. There is a queue, 2. It is not their job at this time and 3. What are they going to serve your drinks in when they are busy washing all the dirties– an invisible glass?

Wait times – these physically and humanly cannot be helped. If you’ve been told there is a 45 minute wait for food, make sure you check the time that you actually placed your order with the waitress and not judge it from the time you entered the building before you start demanding where your food is after just 20 minutes. And definitely don’t ask if it is still a 45 minute wait for just a portion of chips and throw your hands up in disbelief when you are told yes, or if the wait time will be shorter because you’re sat in the bar area and not in the restaurant. Here’s how a kitchen works: an order comes through the printer, they add it to the queue of other ticket orders that have also come out of the printer. The chef’s cook the food that’s on the ticket orders in the order that they came through the printer on. If there are 5 tills putting through food orders all at the same time on an extremely busy day, chances are there are is a massive line of tickets that they still haven’t pulled off the printer and probably won’t even look at for at least half an hour because they’ve already got 50 tickets in front of them to get through – so yes it will still be 45 minutes for your chips and no the kitchen don’t look at the table numbers (and probably don’t even know what table numbers are where in the building) regardless of whether you are sat in the restaurant or in the bar.

If you come in at 12:30pm and haven’t booked a table; please don’t argue with the waitress when she says you can’t sit at a table that has been booked out for 1:30pm. No matter how many times you say you’ll be gone before they get here, there is still a wait on food (which will be longer by the time you sit down, sort yourself out, order drinks and then order food) the chances are that table will likely arrive early, you probably haven’t even finished your food, oh and the table isn’t yours to start with. And if you turn around and tell us that if we had more staff on we could turn tables around quicker and for this reason we will be losing your custom, don’t be surprised if our response is less than friendly – you’ve just increased the wait time for everyone else to be served because we are stood there arguing with you and if we are that busy and fully booked at 12:30pm then lets be honest; we neither need nor want your attitude and custom.

We try our best to make sure everyone gets the service they expect, but sometimes matters are out of our hands. We can’t help it if a colleague phones in sick, or that we can’t get cover for them at such short notice because by that time everyone else has made other plans. We can’t physically do any more than we already are on a busy summer’s day when the inside of the pub is full to capacity at 120 people waiting for food, and a further 100 people sat outside in the garden all expecting the same standard of service. We cope with what we’ve got, and customers shouting and screaming at us isn’t going to turn us into Usain Bolt or make anything come out quicker. We are only human like you, so please treat us such.